Dating my boyfriend for 8 years
There’s a poem by Marilyn Hacker called “She Bitches About Boys” with the line: This guy found me when I was a bit lonely and unmoored and he expertly crawled up into my life by showering me with affection and attention and orgasms.
He also provided just enough confessions of deep childhood trauma that – when he hurt me – my first instinct would be to feel sorry for him instead of myself.
If your friend feels humiliated and judged he will withdraw from you and cling to Darth Vader. So when he tells stories about him, what kind of affirmation is he looking for? BREAKING UP CALLED AND LEFT YOU A MESSAGE, HE SAID ‘BREAK UP.”” And then I think about Darth Vader and my friends sitting through another brunch and my very nice therapist sitting through another session and saying “Do think think that’s okay?
So do I….except for when I was completely high on being intertwined with who I thought was the First Person To Really Get Me, Too, and then had to spend a year of my life in Love’s Methadone Clinic. Please give me the magic-spell-words to make him see this and dump him.Or else the fortitude to watch him marry this creep. I mean – He can’t hang, and he doesn’t treat my friend well.I think the biggest red flag is that this guy doesn’t seem to have any other friends. My friend claims that he does have some friends back home in another state, but he’s never met any of them.Since I’ve said what I had to say to him and they’re still getting married, I realize that I probably have to just resign myself and change the subject a lot when we’re together and the relationship comes up, but I’d welcome any other advice.